I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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