my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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