just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
