Your dad touched me again.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
