She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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