we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
