so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
