help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
