You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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