I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
