Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
