It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
