I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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