i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
