My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
