I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
