Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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