omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
