Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
