All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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