I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've blown a few things in my day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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