just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
