i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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