Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
