That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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