Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
