you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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