My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
