someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
