i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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