did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
