were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
