P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Randomize
