I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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