I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
