why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
