...so i touched it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
