why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
