just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Couch. On fire.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
