Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
