I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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