I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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