Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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