oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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