ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
