i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We have started to decorate penises.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
