Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have tasted many bathrooms
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
