We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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