btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
