Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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